I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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