But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
