Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
