Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
