I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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