I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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