I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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