you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
