'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
