You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize