I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
