I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
