I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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