I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
