well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
