She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I cockslap morals
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
