he wants to bone in the snuggie
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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