Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
