yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
