i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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