I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
