So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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