i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
