I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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