Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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