areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
