According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
