I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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