I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
