are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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