I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I would ride that face into the sunset
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
