Your dad touched me again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
