I showed him my bush... on skype.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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