Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
