It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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