You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
