I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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