u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
