i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
