After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
