Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
