she woke up with a sticky ear
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
