On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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