i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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