My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
