After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
