so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
