I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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