Barsexuality is the new black.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.