So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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