Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?

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  (310): so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump? http://tfl.nu/ubjm
  Replies (33) Good night (818) Bad night (4333)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.

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  (214): My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes. http://tfl.nu/jl4m
  Replies (72) Good night (6569) Bad night (1469)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.

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  (503): No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school. http://tfl.nu/ym74
  Replies (7) Good night (7561) Bad night (858)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.

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  (480): Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars. http://tfl.nu/f73b
  Replies (14) Good night (8411) Bad night (893)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.

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  (205): Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable. http://tfl.nu/h65h
  Replies (4) Good night (3489) Bad night (1124)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.

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  (616): I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US (+44): Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange. http://tfl.nu/699w
  Replies (2) Good night (2085) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.

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  (916): God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines. http://tfl.nu/isnh
  Replies (12) Good night (2262) Bad night (734)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.

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  (309): I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough. http://tfl.nu/3hvx
  Replies (3) Good night (592) Bad night (1044)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.

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  (828): I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know. http://tfl.nu/l3hv
  Replies (11) Good night (1055) Bad night (490)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?

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  (770): He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days? http://tfl.nu/yt8d
  Replies (12) Good night (1291) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"

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  (609): You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?" http://tfl.nu/1kzs
  Replies (9) Good night (2547) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.

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  (541): So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come. http://tfl.nu/7g6u
  Replies (19) Good night (1417) Bad night (313)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.

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  (902): I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas. http://tfl.nu/cu8d
  Replies (4) Good night (1300) Bad night (815)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.

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  (773): Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine. http://tfl.nu/87vg
  Replies (4) Good night (292) Bad night (660)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....

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  (850): I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up.... http://tfl.nu/p40l
  Replies (1) Good night (232) Bad night (398)

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