Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin

  (509): View more from Washington

  and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"

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  (509): you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin (509): and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD" http://tfl.nu/lw4q
  Replies (37) Good night (3768) Bad night (704)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.

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  (201): Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision. http://tfl.nu/ohzv
  Replies (7) Good night (4517) Bad night (711)
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  (510): View more from California

  You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying

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  (510): You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying http://tfl.nu/xlhu
  Replies (25) Good night (2154) Bad night (6097)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal

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  (706): saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal http://tfl.nu/ml27
  Replies (11) Good night (4780) Bad night (2074)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion

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  (617): i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion http://tfl.nu/4vyu
  Replies (7) Good night (1156) Bad night (4738)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?

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  (405): Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card? http://tfl.nu/2f9h
  Replies (8) Good night (1814) Bad night (1019)
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  (805): View more from California

  Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.

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  (805): Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life. http://tfl.nu/rnx1
  Replies (2) Good night (1396) Bad night (590)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago

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  (817): i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago http://tfl.nu/3uom
  Replies (7) Good night (644) Bad night (1270)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.

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  (917): Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep. http://tfl.nu/ccvs
  Replies (5) Good night (1420) Bad night (584)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.

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  (435): I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry. http://tfl.nu/g6j9
  Replies (6) Good night (1638) Bad night (682)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills

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  (775): Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills http://tfl.nu/fe2s
  Replies (4) Good night (877) Bad night (1268)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila

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  (607): I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila http://tfl.nu/x7nj
  Replies (6) Good night (636) Bad night (1538)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"

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  (407): You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways" http://tfl.nu/gs8x
  Replies (3) Good night (729) Bad night (338)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.

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  (405): Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center. http://tfl.nu/aec1
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (313)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.

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  (570): Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM. http://tfl.nu/zh91
  Replies (0) Good night (515) Bad night (279)

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