When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK