My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation