You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
