We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
