he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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