The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
