im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
