some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Come see our sink grown plant.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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