Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
