I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
