you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize