He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
