If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
