im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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