i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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