Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
