Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
