Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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