I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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