Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so let's talk penis.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
