I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
