i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
