she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Farmville is her only friend.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
