Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
