didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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