she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
