Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
