Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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