now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
