My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
