Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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