would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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