It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
