you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think your dad took our porno
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
