You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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