Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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